What I Really Do

I have to admit that I like these "What I Really Do" memes, so I created one for j-pouchers.

What my family thinks I do: There is no hiding from your family.  They are around you all the time and see you through the thick and thin.  This is why my family knows what it really sounds like for me to go to the bathroom, and why they think I am setting off explosives in the toilet.

What my friends think I do: I like to sugar coat things for my friends.  Who wants to listen to me complain all the time especially about poop and blood?  This is why my friends know I go to the bathroom a lot, but what they don't know is what really happens there.  For all I know they could think I do poop rainbows, kittens (I have enough of them), and butterflies.

What my co-workers think I do: The average person spends 3 years of their life going to the bathroom.  A j-pouch will spend at least 10x that.  Not only do we go to the bathroom more often, but we take longer when we are there.  This is why my co-workers think I am escaping every time I go.  Who wouldn't want extra breaks during the day?  No matter how much I wish this were the truth, it is not.

What my cats think I do: At home I usually have at least one cat as an audience when I'm in the bathroom.  For the life of my I really do not know what they are thinking, but I'm sure they do not think I am going to the bathroom.  Wouldn't I need to be scratching around first?  So what else would I be doing, but playing in the water.  That is of course what they do.

What my doctors think I do: My doctors must think I love going to the bathroom.  Why else wouldn't they be concerned that I go 8-10 times a day?  They love poop talk and ask me to describe everything about my pooping experience.  For them pooping is fun.

What I really do: I do everything in the bathroom.  I have to multitask while I'm there or things will never get done.  I have done everything from clean other parts of the bathroom, brush my teeth, eat, read, and even sleep.  The one thing I have never done on the toilet though is talk on the phone, so you can rest assure there.  As any j-poucher can tell you, or my family, talking on the phone while pooping is not something for phone conversations.