Today is the day. I will be returning to the art of Tae Kwon Do after an over 8 year hiatus. I am full of nervous energy and excitement. I am so excited to return to the sport I loved all those years ago. Now I'm entering back into the sport at a whole new angle.
I will be starting at a new gym. Unfortunately, not long after I left my old gym to battle my own illnesses my master passed away from his illness, luekemia. Master Wilson was one of the greatest men I have ever met. I cannot say a single bad word about the man, and I don't know if a new master will be able to take his place. Will he still have the caring always there for you attitude, but with the authoritarian leadership? Most importantly, will he make me feel welcome while accepting my faults?
Secondly, I'm entering again as a black belt. I earned my black belt just before I left for my first hospitalization for anorexia. Two weeks prior to be exact. I returned for a brief time after the hospitalization, but never was able to keep my health up to stay long term. So basically, I left the sport right after receiving my black belt. I have little training as a black belt and mostly forget everything up to that point. I am incredibly out of shape, and don't know if I could even do one push-up these days let alone train with the other black belts. I will look the part of the white belt lost in a sea of black.
The other obstacle is the locker room. There will be no hiding my scars. I hope these girls are accepting of my battle. I hope I am not judged as weak, but instead seen for my strength that is still left in my heart. I hope I do not get to many stares, instead I welcome the questions.
I anxiously await the thrill I have when practicing the art of Tae Kwon Do. The power I feel. The control I feel I have over my body. The clarity it gives to my mind. Most of all I can't wait for the normalcy this will give me to my life. It's another step back to how things were before IBD began chipping things away.
