Weaknesses and Strenths

This post is a difficult one for me.  One of my biggest struggles is recognizing my strengths.  I am more apt to criticize myself for the one thing I did wrong than praise myself for the many things I may have done right.  This is something I am currently working on in therapy to help with my self-esteem.  I am beginning to learn that strengths come in many shapes and forms, and sometimes it's not about being the best but being good more times than not.

I'm going to start with my weaknesses though since that is the easiest for me.
Forgetful: I am always forgetting things.  I have locked myself out of the house twice in one month.  I make hundreds of trips up and down the stairs each day because I always leave something behind.  I forget to make phone calls, forget to pick up groceries at the grocery store, even forget where I'm going when I'm driving.  If I don't write it down, it will be forgotten.  It becomes a problem with my health when I forget to take my medicine or forget what the doctor tells me as I'm walking out of the office.

Dismissive: I don't always trust when others give me praise and usually dismiss it quickly.  I can always find one instance to negate the praise making the praise untrue in my eyes.  Many times I don't believe myself.  It can make life difficult not knowing what to believe and what to dismiss.  With my health I am always dismissing pain, test results, and doctor's warnings.  I never want to believe that I'm sick, and look the other way even when proof is given to me that I am.

Fear of Failure: I have a huge fear of failure.  To me failure is a sign of weakness.  It is humiliating and shaming.  One failure to me becomes a catastrophe.  It is because of this fear of failure that I procrastinate.  I am scared or will refuse to start something if I think I will fail.  It keeps me from trying new things and moving forward in my life.  It has kept me from keeping doctors appointments or making them in the first place.  I have grown tired of trying things that don't work and feeling like a medical failure.

Ok, I will leave my weaknesses there and start on the strengths.
Humility: This is one instance where low self-esteem may be a good thing.  I am never cocky or run my mouth.  I let my actions speak for themselves.  This is especially true in my martial arts training, but also carries over into my career and even health.  I know that I don't always have the right answers when it comes to my health.  I try to do the right thing, but will always fess up when I do wrong.

Kindness:  I am that friend you can always count on.  If I say I will do something for you, I will.  I am the person that picks up the item when someone drops it.  I like to bring a smile to people's face.  It makes me happier to do something for someone else than for myself.  I think my kindness has helped me build better relationships with my doctors.  Doctors tend to relax more and see you as a person when you share your kindness with them.

Open Minded: I can view things from all sides.  It seems that in this day and age open mindedness is seen less and less.  I would like to point at the recent election and politics.  Life is not a math equation with just a right or wrong answer.  I am able to put myself in other people's shoes and see how they are looking at things.  This is a great characteristic when it comes to marriage and work and the need to compromise.  It is also useful in choices regarding my health.  Being open minded allowed me to be realistic with surgery and recovery.  I was able to weigh the good and bad that comes with removing a colon, and make a decision that was best for me.