PTSD

Traumatic events can bring on post traumatic stress disorder.  It is not uncommon to experience this following j-pouch surgery.  After going through a major illness, having a organ ripped from your body, and the long recovery it is no wonder why.  I was fortunate and did not have many problems with this.

I had a few days following my surgery which I mourned the loss of my colon.  It wasn't so much the loss of the colon, but the realization that I would never be "normal" again.  As long as I had my colon I always had the hopes that I would reach remission.  I never did go into remission.  I would just have less severe flares.  Now that the colon was gone, I knew I would never have a true poop again.  There are still times I miss it.

There is one thing that still makes me anxious at just the site, even now a year later.  That is Ben Franklin standing high atop Philadelphia City Hall.

During my first two stays at Jefferson Hospital I had fabulous views of Ben.  The first stay I was admitted for a flare.  I was a little more alert mentally and could focus on the television and read.  I only looked at Ben from time to time.  But during the second stay, for the first of my two j-pouch surgeries, I was doped up on Morphine.  Not able to concentrate I would just stare for hours at Ben.  It rained a lot during this time, and I would watch the storms roll in behind him.

It was comforting to watch Ben at the time.  Now when I go to the City, Ben brings back the anxious moments.  He reminds me of how sick I felt when the ileus set in and I needed the NG tube.  He reminds me of the pain.  Most of all he reminds me of the loneliness late at night.  Hospitals are no fun at night when there are no visitors to distract you.  Ben became the focus when all was bad.  Now when I see him, all those feelings come back.  Fortunately, it's just one statue sitting high above a building in a city full of even taller buildings.