I don't know why, but adults refuse to talk poop. In fact many avoid it. My husband is one of the worst. He can't stand anything poop related. It makes life hard for me as a j-poucher. I love poop so much that I even volunteer to scoop kitty poop every week. I love to talk poop. So I'm going to talk about it now.
My life is poop. I poop all the time, and I examine my poop. Ewww, you say. Well you should be too. Poop tells you a lot about yourself. My poop tells me how fast things are going through my system. Are they going through too fast or too slow? The biggest concern I have is blood in my poop. Even after my surgeries I still find myself examining my poop for blood. And yes, sometimes there is still a little blood.
Poop is an awesome thing because it can come in almost any color of the rainbow. I have yet to be able to make blue poop yet. If you can find the secret combination to blue poop, please let me know. I would like to check off my goal of pooping every color of the rainbow. Here are the most interesting things I have found. Beets and red velvet cake make the brightest red poop I have ever seen. Anything purple equals green poop. How that works I have no idea, but drink a lot of grape juice and I will have green poop. Same goes for blue, and this is the reason I cannot make blue poop. If I don't eat enough, my poop will be neon yellow like a radioactive site. Milk chocolate equals brown poop while dark chocolate equals black poop. Same goes for beer; IPAs and lagers are brown and while stouts and porters come out almost black.
As a j-poucher I don't digest food as quickly and many times things come out whole. This is why I have to be careful what I eat so that I do not get blockages, but it can be fun to see what comes out in my poop. The dehydrated apples in apple cinnamon oatmeal come out like they go in perfectly unharmed by the digestion process. Tomatoes can be confused with blood many times by their skins ability to become streaks in poop. That can be said for red peppers as well. The most interesting and maybe most concerning is pills coming out whole. This is why I try to keep all vitamins to chewables and all medications to liquid or quick dissolving. Just like j-pouchers even the coloned folk can be amused when it comes to vegetables. Peas and corn are most notable for their resistance to digestion, but carrots are pretty tough themselves. And the devils of nuts are fun because they come out in nice hard pellets that you can feel.
Another interesting aspect of poop is the burn. Hot, spicy food goes out even hotter than it goes in. This has led me to be wary of jalapenos and chili sauce not because I can't take the heat when I eat, but an hour later I will be paying big time with a fiery poop. That said ice cream seems to cool the poop. It almost has a soothing effect. Eat some wings followed by ice cream and I'm in the clear. Plus I find this to be a meal any girl could love.
Poop doesn't always come alone especially for me. It is followed with its best friend the fart. Who can fart the loudest? A j-poucher. There is something for removing your colon and most of the rectum and that is your noise control is gone. My husband is most horrified by my blasts. I have to admit they can be a little shaming when in a public bathroom. But it is what it is and I can't help it. Besides who doesn't fart? If someone has a problem with it, then they are the ones with the true problem.
Poop is my favorite topic, and I could go on and on about it. Next time you feel the need to talk poop. Go ahead. Everyone is doing it!
Picture from What to Expect
You are right and I fully understand the problems that we as J-pouchers experience. I've had mine for over 29 years and have experienced everything from water, to jagged nuts, to baby smear. After sitting on the toilet for hours at a time because the squirts won't stop, you wonder if you can stand again. I too, inspect my poop to see what didn't digest. Yummy vegies and leafy salad fixins don't do well. Sometimes I have to strain to get something out, it feels like having a golf ball come out. Later you move the toilet paper aside and this green leafy ball (lettuce) appears. Did I really pass that?
ReplyDeleteYes, us J-pouchers need to know what to eat and what not to eat and how much liquid to consume. The more we drink, the more liquid the stool there is and the frequency of it is greater. But its still better than it was before, - Constipated for a month without sitting on the toilet. I'm a 64 y.o. man now and still watch my poop.