Admitting I'm Sick

I sit here debating whether or not I should make a phone call to my GI.  I know I should.  My symptoms have been getting progressively worse.  I know they will not improve on their own.  Every day I wake up and go through the day with the same symptoms; spasms that bring me to a sudden stop, severe urgency, fissures, and leakage.  I think if I just make it through this one more day, then all is fine.

See the problem with calling the doctor is that I then admit I'm sick.  I hate being the sick one.  I've played out that role.  It's time to move on with my life, but I'm not quite able to yet.  If only calling the doctor meant I had an appointment, got some medicine, then got better.  This isn't the case though.  Calling the doctor with me has lead to too many procedures, blood work, and hospital stays.  I don't want to go through all of this again.

So I sit trying to debate whether or not I am sick.  Whether or not to call the GI.  I will give in eventually I'm sure, but it probably won't be tomorrow or the next day.