My Cat, Pollard

I know everyone says it but I truly do have the best cat in the world.  Pollard came to us shortly after my husband and I bought our house.  I picked him after just being dropped off at a local pet store because he was inquisitive, but not too rowdy or cranky.  My husband named him Pollard after the great Bob Pollard of Guided by Voices.  He has surely lived up to his name by offering big kicks and a howling cry.

After only having him two weeks Pollard became very ill on a Friday while we were both at work.  When my husband came home Pollard had thrown up three times and couldn't lift his head.  Soon we were off to the emergency vet where they gave him some fluids.  They couldn't keep overnight because at 9 weeks he didn't have all his shots yet.  Pollard came home still weak, but feeling a bit better.  I stayed up with him that first night feeding him some molasses on his nose for calories.  After a couple of days, poor Pollard broke out in a rash all over his body and the little pads on his feet were so red he couldn't walk.  Turns out the little guy was allergic to Penicillin.

Pollard has given us other problems too.  He's a big, neutered, male so he gets urinary & bladder infections.  On top of that he gets constipated too.  His most favorite thing to do when he's not feeling well is to stop eating.  If you know about cats, you know it doesn't take long for cats to go into kidney failure without food.  We've gone through home cooked chicken, baby food, and even peanut butter to get him to eat.  He's had subcutaneous fluids, x-rays, & ultra-sounds.  Pollard and I were meant for each other.

Because of all he has gone through, he is great for me when I'm not feeling well.  On nights I can't sleep he comes to curl up next to me.  If I'm having a particularly rough day, he gives me lots of rubs hoping it will help me feel better.  He's the first to greet me everyday when I come home from work, and cries every day when I leave.  We should have named him shadow because he's always under my foot.  Pollard is my best friend.

So on April 25th, we will celebrate Pollard's 7th birthday.  While 10 times bigger than he was on the day we brought him home, he is still my little kitten.  I work with many cats in volunteering at a cat shelter and he is still the best cat I've ever come across.  Pollard with get lots of presents, treats, and a wet food "cake", but he still won't realize how special he is to me.

Happy Birthday Mr. P!

Another Setback

Seems to be I've had a little (or big) setback in my recovery.  Over the past couple of weeks I've been feeling more tired and have been expiriencing some more pain in my butt.  Ha!  A pain in my butt that didn't have to do with work or my kitty cat.  The spasms, imagine a charlie horse in your butthole, were getting stronger and becoming more frequent.  Was I having a baby out of my rear?  Ever being the optomist I figured it was probably just something I ate that didn't agree with me and not something serious.

In this time I had also been experiencing more frequent discharge from my girlie parts.  This happened before after the Bartholian abscess was drained.  I assumed stopping the antibiotics led to a little more discharge, but my body would soon adjust.  Now it's just getting worse.

Over the holiday weekend I began noticing some more unusual and frightening symptoms.  The discharge began to have flecks of poop in it.  I hoped to dismiss it as some leakage that worked its way forward, and I'm still hoping that's the case.  I also noticed when I had to fart out my butt it came out my girlie parts instead.  What?!  If it wasn't so disturbing, it would be a pretty cool magic trick.  I also began to run a low-grade fever at night along with tons of pain in the region.  I feel like I'm carrying a bowling bowl in my pouch and the pressure is crazy.  I have a multitude of fissures (little papercut like tears on my butt) that KILL when I use the potty.

So needless to say I'm not feeling my best and I placed the long awaited call into my GI doctor.  She thinks it's a recto-vaginal fistula or a little opening going from my butt to my girlie parts.  Sometime in the next week I will be scheduled for a MRI to see if this is in fact what is causing my problems.  In the mean time I was given a nice little muscle relaxer to help with the spasms.  It seems to be taking the edge off.  So I will be waiting anxiously for when the MRI is scheduled.  If in fact it is an RV fistula, most likely my diagnosis will be changed to Crohn's.  Not exactly big news, but it could change my treatment plan and actually offer more drugs covered by insurance.  Good news maybe?

On the upside, the Entocort seems to be helping with the pouchitis.  I am happy to report the one thing that is not bothering me at the moment is the pouch.

Admitting I'm Sick

I sit here debating whether or not I should make a phone call to my GI.  I know I should.  My symptoms have been getting progressively worse.  I know they will not improve on their own.  Every day I wake up and go through the day with the same symptoms; spasms that bring me to a sudden stop, severe urgency, fissures, and leakage.  I think if I just make it through this one more day, then all is fine.

See the problem with calling the doctor is that I then admit I'm sick.  I hate being the sick one.  I've played out that role.  It's time to move on with my life, but I'm not quite able to yet.  If only calling the doctor meant I had an appointment, got some medicine, then got better.  This isn't the case though.  Calling the doctor with me has lead to too many procedures, blood work, and hospital stays.  I don't want to go through all of this again.

So I sit trying to debate whether or not I am sick.  Whether or not to call the GI.  I will give in eventually I'm sure, but it probably won't be tomorrow or the next day.

Colon Cancer Awareness Month

So March was Colon Cancer Awareness Month and it's coming to an end.  Did you get your colonoscopy?  You know who you are.  This is such an easy procedure that so many are scared or embarrassed to do.  It can catch cancer before it spreads making remission possible.  So to help alleviate all of you fears I'm going to share with you my general experience.

Some of you may have heard that the prep is the worst part, and it is.  It is not THAT bad though.  The day before you will be asked to have only clear liquids and nothing red or purple.  This means jello, broth, apple juice, popcicles, water ice, and coffee or tea (no milk).  I like to make lime jello with sprite.  The little bubbles created with the soda just add a special zing that the clear liquid diet lacks.  You may also be asked to take a stool softener in the morning and afternoon and possibly a potassium pill.  I've had to take them on some preps, but not all.

The evening and night before you will start the lovely "prep".  The most common is Go-Lytely, but really they should have named it Go-Morely.  That is what you will be doing.  You get to mix the liquid with a drink of your choice.  I prefer to mix it with something that I don't drink often.  There is an after taste to the prep that is not good.  My go to choice was PowerAde Blue.  I can never drink it again because it always reminds me of the prep.  You will need to drink A LOT of liquid to get all the prep and stay hydrated.  Be prepared to drink, drink, and drink some more.  FYI, there have been occassions that I have thrown up from both too much liquid in my stomach and the taste of the drink.  Be aware, you  may get nauseous.

Now the prep is done.  Some people have to wait for the action to start, but I never did.  Usually I was still drinking the blue drink when the pooping began.  Be prepared to poop like you've never pooped before.  In fact, just set up a make shift bed on the toilet.  By morning you should be pooping clear fluids or maybe tinged from the blue drink.  This is a good sign.  You are ready to go to the procedure.

First things first, you will have to put on the lovely gown that your rear sticks out of.  You will get hooked up to an IV where they will give you some fluids to make up for everything you lost.  If you have a headache from the fluid loss this will help.  Next comes the anesthesiologist to go over some background.  Then off you go to the procedure room.  You will be hooked up to a few monitors, then asked to roll over on your left side.  The anesthesiologist will give you the milky juice to put you to sleep and that is the last thing you will remember.

The colonoscopy is over.  You wake up, slightly confused, back in your recovery room.  You will be given something to drink.  If you're used to caffeine in the morning, ask for some coke to help with caffeine withdrawl headache.  After a few minutes, the doc will come in.  If everything is fine (which it should be if you're not me), he will say, "See you back in 5 years for your next scope".  Then I suggest you get dressed and hurry on out.  Don't forget to grap your driver on the way out so you're not walking to the nearest fast food place to grab some real food because now you can return to eating and drinking and living your life like before.

So if you haven't done it yet, schedule your colonoscopy.  It's quick and easy and a HUGE life saver!

I'm an Old Lady at 34

I knew 30 was old, but I didn't know I'd feel this old.  I remember when I had my knee surgery in my early 20's my surgeon told me I'd most likely have arthritis in my knee in the next 10 years.  At the time 10 years seemed like the long distant future.  Now it's 10 years later and I not only have arthritis in that knee, but the other knee, my ankles, and my hips. The arthritis is mostly likely related to the IBD and not the surgery, but now I wake up every morning with sore legs.  Some days are better than others.  Most days I just need a little time to get up to speed, but some days I  need to take some Tylenol.

About 7 years ago I was diagnosed with osteopenia.  I'm too scared to get another bone scan to see if it has progressed.  Years of malnutrition and prednisone slowly ate away my bones so no matter how much Calcium and Vitamin D I took in could help.  When I think of osteoporosis, I think of little old women.  Isn't that what all the commercials show?

The biggest sign that I'm old is I'm tired ALL of the time.  When I say I'm tired, I don't just mean I want to sit down and relax.  I mean if I sit down I will be asleep within the next 15 minutes.  I have fallen asleep at work and even while sitting in traffic.  On Wednesday I fell asleep in the chair at 7:00 pm. Yes, the sun was still out and small children were playing outside.  If I'm not moving, I'm sleeping.

When I picture myself with how I feel I see my grandmother.  I loved her dearly, but she was old.  She was a little old lady with thin, wrinkly skin, a slightly hunched back, and ankles that cracked with each step.  At 34 I'm my grandmother except with brown hair instead of gray.

Living with Charlie

Who's Charlie you ask?  Charlie was my stoma.  I first met Charlie on September 12, 2010, the day after my total colectomy.  I didn't know what to think of him at first.  I mean he was pooping into a bag that was stuck to my belly.  I knew we were going to have to become fast friends to make this work.

In case you're not to familiar with what an ileostomy is, it is part of the small intestine pulled through the stomach to protrude outside of the body and divert stool away from the remaining digestive track.  Here's some pics.

                   

I didn't name Charlie until I came home from the hospital.  My home health nurse told me it may be helpful to name my stoma.  I chose Charlie, in place of Chuck, short for Up-Chuck because Charlie was always up chucking something.  Charlie and I quickly got to know each other.

Most times I didn't mind living with Charlie, but like all men, he had his moments.  I had no control over Charlie, and he would do whatever he wanted to do.  First of all, Charlie had no social etiquette.  He would "fart" any time any where.  And it could be loud!  Next Charlie never stopped spewing.  It didn't matter what or when I ate, Charlie was doing his thing all the time.  This meant I had to empty the bag on a regular basis including overnight.

To keep Charlie contained I had to wear an ileostomy bag.  This had it's own problems and was the most difficult for me to get used to.  The part that sticks the bag to your skin, the wafer, took up the entire right side of my stomach.  Just image having a plastic sticker stuck on the whole side of your belly 24/7.  It soon became uncomfortable and irritated my skin.  Fortunately, I was given some powder to help relieve this irritation, and it helped.  The other downfall of the ileostomy bag in the leaks.  I was thankful and only had two leaks with Charlie.  Once I developed a system, I was able to get a good seal and keep the same bag on for about 5 days.

Charlie was amazing and taught me a lot about my body.  I got to see how fast crappy food moved through me.  How ruffage comes out just like it went in.  And how food changes the color of your poop.  I could watch him working and was amazed by what he did.

Charlie and I were only were together for 3 short months.  There were days I would find myself crying in the bathroom because I couldn't get the wafer on just right.  But most of the time, you would never know that Charlie was with me.  Though our time together was short, Charlie will never be forgotten.

Stupidity Over Matter

I've noticed that the mind is a very important tool when it comes to chronic diseases.  It can keep you going through the worst of times, but also bring you to the darkest of times exaggerating the simplest of all problems.  For me the mind has helped me trudge on through thick and thin.

Let me digress a little.  When I was little I would fantasize about being special, as I believe everyone did.  I wanted so much to have my parents attention all to myself.  There were times that I would day dream about being sick and have my parents pamper me.  Never did I think these dreams would come true.

Now that I'm older (and much wiser), I do everything I can to deflect the fact that I do not feel 100%.  It began when I first was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis.  I hid the fact that things were not right for a long time.  While pooping bowls full of blood, I continued to work never saying a word.  I look back now and wonder how I did it until I remember it wasn't long ago that I was doing the same.  Just before my final flare that lead to the J-pouch surgeries I was working 10-12 hour days doing my full-time job following it up with showing homes in the evenings and on weekends.  The only days I ever took off for UC during the course of my disease was when I was in the hospital.  For me, staying home verified that I was sick.  If I could make it through a day of work, then I could fool myself that I wasn't so sick.

This is where my stupidity comes in.  I can't get through my thick, stubborn head that sometimes staying home is beneficial to your health.  This past Friday, I woke up experiencing the pain of another blockage.  I knew things were not right while dressing for work, but I wouldn't admit it and off to work I went.  As the day went on the pain got worse and worse and the bathroom trips ceased.  By the time I came home, the pain was up there.  Being the fool I am (and trying to hide all from my husband), I ate a light dinner.  The waves of pain then came on like no other.  Fortunately, it did not last long before the blockage broke free.  Another hospital trip avoided.  But because I tried to act like a normal person, I did more harm than good and was sore for another two days.

A balance needs to be met.  You can't sit at home and dwell on all your problems or you will feel sorry for yourself.  Studies show that people who are depressed feel pain more.  On the other hand, if you don't rest you will wear yourself out making yourself sicker than before.  This is a hard balance to find.  People either find themselves at one end or the other.  Lessons never learned, I'm still trying to find this balance myself.